sassy & a wee bit snarky: pensive? damn, i was hoping for thoughtful.

Saturday, January 19, 2008

pensive? damn, i was hoping for thoughtful.

i just finished watching memoirs of a geisha with my friend, julia. loveliest movie, by the way. lee is out on the town with friends so here i am. blogging. i'm in between the state of asleep and awake. somber. my mind is stuffed with so many things; i can't type that quick.
recently i've been thinking about life. i mean i always think about life. i live in life. but i mean really thinking, about my life. i have a beautiful, handsome husband who loves and adores me as no one ever has, two of the most beautiful children you will ever lay eyes on, a family whom i would do anything for, and the two greatest best friends the rest of you only dream about.
after all is said and done, i think about how i turned out the way i have. all the things i don't like about myself. how did i get here? i try to blame it on a list of things but can't do it. i had a happy, healthy childhood. i had god. i had a family i know loved me. i always had a home, food, and shelter. i figure the only thing left to blame is myself. and then i blame myself for blaming myself. it's a vicious cycle that doesn't seem to break. i think about all the things i am NOT, or feel i am not. i could "jot" them down but i will spare you. in the least, it's annoying.
back to my point, if there is one: if i am to blame, i should know how to fix the problem(s), right? then why don't i summon the courage, suck it up, and just do it? my only conclusion is because i am comfortable even though in another sense it's extremely uncomfortable. mentally. it consumes many of my thoughts. fear of the unknown, i suppose, could be the answer. fear of failure.
i don't know. i'll tell you one of the things that really bothers me about myself: the fact that i don't finish anything. like right now. i am bored of "blogging", lost my fire, so i'm just going to end here. no conclusion.

1 comments:

Megan Michael said...: Sounds like someone needs to watch the secret again! haha. seriously though, love your honesty! It's kind of a load at first to think about how ultimately we cannot blame anyone but ourselves for who we are. We create our own lives. But at the same time it is so powerful too, because we can really accomplish what ever we want! There is only one condition, that we believe and truly feel we are worthy and capable of doing it! Thanks for the thoughts you put down, it's nice to read since we are all questioning the exact same things but few of us are willing to admit it. You're awesome.; January 31, 2008 at 12:22 PM

Post a Comment

humdingers

10/4/2009

lee was trying to reach a light fixture to change the bulb. he is struggling. scarlett says, "dad is a small dad." lee's brother, ryan, comes over to help. scarlett says, "ryan is a big teenager".

5/29/2009

london noticed an empty diet coke can on the counter. she said, "mom why do you drink so much diet coke?". i replied, "i don't." and she said, "yes you do. you should just pretend its alcohol and stop drinking it. if you don't drink alcohol, you shouldn't drink diet coke because it has a lot of caffeine." is this what they mean by practice what you preach? if so, i take it all back.

5/27/2009

i was reading a sesame street book to scarlett called "it's not easy being big". london was above us, on the top bunk, leaning her head over the side. when i read this part in the story: "big balls, little balls, balls on the wall", (you can imagine where this is going) laughing, london said, "what kind of balls? like the ones on boys intestines or bouncy balls?" oh my gosh. intestines? i think you mean testicles.

2/2009

scarlett had told me about how 2 girls were being mean to her at church (5 yr olds can be so lame). later in the day, she was writing and asked "how do you spell 'dear (mean girls' names)'?" thinking nothing of it, i tell her. about 5-10 minutes later she asks, "how do you spell losers?" lol! i died laughing (inside, of course).

12/2008

i was changing atticus' diaper and scarlett was right there, watching. as i was wiping him, she pointed "there" and said, "that thing looks like a brain. not the thing on top but the big thing underneath." "yes it does", i said. she replies, "now i know what a brain looks like!" its not important how she got there, but that she even made it, right?

7/24/2008

scarlett was sitting on the deck with london and her aunt, carrianne, all eating otter pops. scarlett then comes into the house looking for me and says, "mom? is toe jam real?" i tell her, "yes" and she goes back outside to her aunt (who is 10) and says, "see, i told you so". how the crap did that conversation come up? kids are weird.
5/7/2008

london came running down the stairs into the kitchen and said, "yes! i did it!" i replied, "what did you do?" her answer? "i got to the bottom of the stairs before the toilet finished flushing my poop." note to self: i must try....UPDATE: tried it about 5 minutes later and, actually, it was pretty exhilarating.

scarlett saw a painting on the wall at target in the snack bar area and said, "those people aren't wearing any clothes." i looked over & replied, "well, it's just a drawing." she responds, "it's a painting, actually". oh well, excuuuuuuuse me...

5/6/2008

scarlett and i were driving to work and she said, "too many people smoke in this world. i hate it. i wish we could get out of this world".

4/16/2008

london and i were talking about her p.e. teacher at school and i asked, "do you always have the same teacher?" she replied, "yeah, unless he has issues to work out with his daughter". issues?

3/18/2008

i was getting ready for the day and scarlett was playing (out loud) with her polly pockets in her room. all of a sudden i hear her/polly 1 say to polly 2, "you want some help?" then she/polly 2 responds, "no, i don't want help, you miserable". like "miserable" is an actual name to call someone...i was laughing so hard.

3/16/2008

london had a fever all day so lee was asking her if she needed to be quarantined and then explained to her what that meant "you're in a room all by yourself and can't be around anybody." london responds, "so it's like house arrest, riiiiight mom?" like i should know what that is like?? and how does she even know about house arrest!? it's a scary world out there...for the record, the closest i have been to & the first time i found out what house arrest was when i was in jr. high or high school when a girl frequently brought vodka to school in a thermos and later arrived with a black "bracelet" on her ankle...

3/8/2008

this morning the girls were doing the whole "not it!" thing for hide-and-seek, where they keep doing it over and over because neither one wants to be it. finally london was the last one to say it and said, "i always have to count first." and scarlett replied, "well, (long pause, thinking) you failed us." lol! i laughed so hard. i have never said anything of the sort. i have no idea where she got that!

2/29/2008

this afternoon scarlett and london were fighting and all of a sudden i hear scarlett say, "give it back or i'll stick a thorn in your foot!" whaaaaaa? a thorn? what, is she going to be bounding through a briar patch and come upon a thorn with which to torture her poor sister? weirdo. (i started laughing and i asked london to come in my room, where i was and said "did she just say she would stick a thorn in your foot?!" london starts laughing and says, "yeah".)

2/25/2008 (scarlett's 4th bday!)

scarlett just said to london. "hey london! i just love being 4!" totally out of the blue-lol!

then, all day long, she kept saying, "i can't believe i'm 4! i just can't believe it!"

2/23/2008

scarlett asked, "do you know where my birthday dress is?" i'm thinking birthday dress? i reply, "what birthday dress?" she says, "the one from nana" and i asked, "what does it look

like?" she says, "hold on, i'll go get it". ohhhhh, i thought you didn't know where it was? lol!

2/19/2008

this morning london and scarlett were making toast for themselves and scarlett noticed london had only gotten one plate out, for herself. so scarlett said, "london you only got one plate out. you didn't get one for me" and london replied, "you can get it. i'm not a fairy godmother." hahaha! so hilarious, these girls.

1/30/2008

London was doing her homework and scarlett was playing on the computer. She turned down the volume and said, “I’m turning it down so I don’t extract london.”

1/28/2008

We were all reading scriptures together this morning and scarlet said, “In sunbeams yesterday we talked about Jesus and God. But not the bad word God.”

This is from Stan when he called and spoke to london on the phone. “I had a great laugh the other day when I spoke with London. When she first came on the phone she said, "Hello" and I said, "Who is this?' And she responded, "London". I said, "Oh no, this can't be London--are you sure this isn't Raina--because you sound way too old to be London." Without skipping a beat she said, "Well, that's probably because I just lost my front tooth" (matter-of-factly, as if that is the sure sign of getting a lot older).

1/27/2008

Scarlett & London were asking why I was going with the missionaries tonight and I said, “to teach people about our church who are thinking of getting baptized”, and Scarlett said, “well why can’t we go? We’re thinking of getting baptized”.

1/7/2008

Scarlett said, “Mom. London’s driving me insane because she wants to play tag and I just want to draw.”

1/1/2008

scarlett was getting dressed today and chose a sweater (ok. fine) but wanted to layer it over about 15 other things so I said no. and she said, “well, when I was a little kid it (the sweater) was all itchy.” Um, you’re 3…

london was telling me how on high school musical 2 they say something about dr. phil. And she said, “you know, that show you used to watch. Its so boring” and scarlett said, “you mean like conference?”

12/28/2007

the other day london and i were doing a puzzle together and i said,
"wow london, you are really great at puzzles" to which she replied, "i
know. i've been practicing all my years."

today we were leaving the mall of america and london said, in all
sincerity, "i want to go to build-a-bear because that's where best
friends are made."

then riding home in the car from the mall, our friend anton said
something about scarlett having a boyfriend, thinking she'd be all
shy. then she pipes up and says, "i have a boyfriend. (long pause,
morose-like) i never get to see him though." laughing, anton asked,
"who is it?" and she said, "Zac Efron from high school musical".

sassy & a wee bit snarky

Saturday, January 19, 2008

pensive? damn, i was hoping for thoughtful.

1 comments:

bragging rights

notes

(pretty pathetic i have only one) FOLLOWER

cronies

blogs/sites i enjoy

humdingers

Blog Archive